thank you all for the really good replies -
having been burnt for being too trusting before I have a happy ending - the buyer bought the second dress at auction - she promised to return the item last week and still has not so I am not too unhappy with it even if she keeps both as I got my wish - she buy it via ebay too - I have no problem with out of ebay if I didnt have an exact item sold n they want to return it - lately I have noticed bidders are out to get their money by resorting to paypal /CC and saying what they can unless you protect your self with whatever you have got - sell high value items and one loss is enough to set me back by $200
So Merry CHristmas all!