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Up for sale is ONE FUNNY Maxine,The Queen of Crabby bookmark or sheet of 30 address labels in your choice of PHRASE (see available phrases in list).

~1~ When life seems like an uphill climb,take comfort in the fact that you're mooning everyone behind you.

~2~ I find it helps to organize chores into categories: Things I Won't Do Now; Things I Won't Do Later; Things I'll Never Do.

~3~ When you're feeling stressed out, I think it helps to make a nice hot cup of tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.

~4~ That which does not kill me makes me even crabbier.

~5~ Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold,what should be firm is limp and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu.

~6~ At our age,the number one fashion question is: Can you nap in it?

~7~ Age doesn't make you forgetful. Having way too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful.

~8~ Life is all about ass: you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one or you live with one!!!

~9~ Never go to bed angry...stay up and plot your revenge!

~10~ Don't believe everything you think.

~11~ I'm not short tempered! I can stay mad for days!

~12~ I'm starting to wonder how bad four years with no president would be.

~13~ Smoke detectors need to be tested from time to time. So sometimes I cook something.

~14~ When someone says ''Have a good weekend!'' I always reply, ''Oh,thanks! If you hadn't said that, who knows what kind of terrible time I might have had! I owe ya!''

~15~ Maybe I've been asking for too much. How about peace OR quiet?

~16~ How do we know global warming isn't just Mother Nature having a hot flash?

~17~ I'm busy right now. Can I ignore you later?

~18~ Shhhh...that's the sound of nobody caring what you think.

~19~ You're not yourself today...I noticed the improvement immediately.

~20~ Would you like some cheese to go with that whine?

~21~ Men are always whining about how we're suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.

~22~ I'm out of bed and I made it to the keyboard. What more do you want?

~23~ Have a nice day! (someplace else)

~24~ Real women don't have hot flashes. They have power surges.

~25~ If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.

"Think what's the worst that could happen? Prepare to accept it...then improve upon the worst."
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